Mindsets that have helped us build a more stable, positive self (ft. Chloe Chen)
Hi everyone! It’s great to be back and I am super excited to connect with you all again! In this newest episode of our podcast, I talked to my friend Chloe Chen about how we overcome the need to constantly be happy and discussed some mindsets that have brought more peace into our lives. Chloe is a caring person who is very passionate about helping others by sharing her own experiences. I really enjoyed talking to Chloe and I hope you would too !
The key takeaways are written in pink ! Feel free to check them out 😊
The full podcast can be found on Spotify, Anchor, and Google Podcasts! All you need to do is search up “Pretty Little Joys”!
Here’s the link to our podcast! Enjoy:)
Part One: What happiness means to us
Alice: Happiness looks really different for me everyday. Yesterday was my grandma’s birthday and I felt happiness from getting her a cake, writing her a card, and seeing her enjoying it. However, the day before that, I was feeling very overwhelmed, but what made me really happy was lying down on my bed at 10 PM and putting on a podcast by Morgan Harper Nichols, where she read poetry that were very mindful and relaxing.
Joy can be found in many different places, and it is totally okay if what you need or want each day is different.
Chloe: For me, I find that sometimes I try too hard to be happy or to not feel sad, to a point where it gets tiring, but what I recognize now is that emotions are not good or bad. They exist and come and go as they please, so I try to do what I love and let happiness comes by itself, whether that’s doing a workout and feeling fulfilled or leaving class feeling like a learned something, and that joy is so pure and important to me.
Part Two: Overcoming the pressure of needing to be happy all the time
Alice: There have been times where I felt anxiety from trying to search for happiness, and that looked like constantly searching for happiness and panicking whenever I am not able to instantly find a solution to a problem that is causing me sadness. The mindset here is that I am flawed if I feel anything but happiness or if I am unable to solve a problem immediately.
What has helped me is to recognize that optimism is an option but not forcing myself to accept that immediately.
For example, if I find myself feeling insecure, I will give myself permission to challenge that self-deprecating thought. I might tell myself that: “I have grown so much, I am capable. I might not be perfect, but I am proud at how far I’ve come.”
However, I allow myself to feel the discomfort that comes with challenging those doubts. I’ve grown to understand that it’s okay if it takes time for me to recognize the good in me, because I have been very hard on myself for a very long time. I simply gently remind myself and allow myself to accept it at my own pace..
Chloe: I also recognized that whenever I am emotional, I can’t think clearly, and that leads to anxiety, sadness, etc, but when I use rationality and ask myself questions like, “why am I feeling this way”, “what can I do to help myself”, that’s when I start to see myself making progress.
Part Three: Mindsets that have helped us: mindset, prioritization
Alice: Life only moves forward, so instead of beating yourself up or getting caught up in the past, what is more important is helping yourself move forward or come to peace with your past.
Chloe: At our age, we tend to desire a lot, whether that’s wanting to be a certain way, or being better, but if you put all that away and look at yourself in a bird’s eye view, it really isn’t that big of a deal. We have time, and what is important is to sit down and organize a plan so that we can achieve what we want to achieve.
I also really like a bicycle metaphor. Similar to when we ride bikes, we wobble when we are unsure of how to move forward or if we lose our direction. However, once we set a plan and begin to pedal, we start moving forwards a lot smoother.
It helped me understand that it’s important to prioritize and plan to fulfill what we deem important in our lives.
Chloe: Our self image directly correlates with the quality of our lives. When you tell yourself “you’re not capable”, you’re not giving yourself a chance to even achieve something. So try telling yourself “you’re capable, I think you’re getting stronger”
Alice: What has helped me in relation to that is to recognize that it is great that there is so much I want to fill me life with (new passions I want to pick up, areas I want to grow…).
It is not a bad thing that I have desires and goals, but it is important to know that I have permission to do what I can each day, and still give myself time to rest.
Chloe: In my opinion, you should take full responsibility of a decision, or at least try to calm down and evaluate a situation before you make the decision to quit. Because things will come your way, but a lot of times, you have the ability to find a solution. For example, you’ve come to college, and it’s not what you expected, you might have thoughts about leaving, but during times like these, you should also consider whether there are resources, opportunities, teachers, clubs, that excite you, and weigh them with your challenges. In other words, make a decision after considering different perspectives.
Alice: At the same, I think it’s important to note that there will be times where leaving is the better choice. Like I said previously, maybe for some people, the benefits that they will get from leaving outweigh the benefits for staying. Maybe they feel that although yes, there are great teachers and facilities in their current school, the environment of another school is more suitable for them, they have relatives or closer friends there, whatever the reason is, I feel that if someone feel that leaving could be better for them, that is totally okay.
This also applies to a lot of other situations, and you certainly don’t have to accept the perspective or advice of every person you consul or hear on the internet. Instead, I would say recognize that everyone has their own opinions depending on our experiences, so it might apply to you, it might not apply to you, but I think a good general note to take is to think about what you will gain from making a decision before you make it, and weighing it with what you will have to compromise.
Part Four: Recognizing that social media is not the full representation of someone’s life
Alice: You can recognize that what is on social media is not the full representation of someone’s life. Everyone is moving forwards in life with things they are navigating through and things that they are working on, and whatever you see is probably not the full portrayal of them, so it is important to not compare to a version of other people that is not real, and it is also important for me to be mindful of how I am interacting with other people, because we never know what they are going through
Chloe: Sometimes I wish I knew nothing -> naïve -> indifferent but then I realized that it is okay to learn, yes it takes work to grow, but doing so is actually helping you become more able to fill yourself with skills and mindset that’s necessary to overcome obstacles.
Being independent doesn’t mean being alone it’s okay to reply on someone else
Part Five: Building a stable self:
Chloe: To build a stable self, you sort of have to define your values, your goals, and you should know why you’re doing certain things.
When you have a reason why, you find purpose and motivation to do something. For example, if someone goes to the gym with the goal to build their fitness level, they are more likely to enjoy and continue.
Alice: When I know why I am doing something, I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time and I enjoy doing it. For example, I enjoy doing this podcast with you because I want to learn from your stories, and I want to share your story with other people. But when you’re doing something not knowing why you’re doing it, then that task can become very mentally taxing.
